A lot has happened since the last time I wrote anything on here… but what’s on my mind right now is gestational diabetes. That’s pretty much what’s been on my mind most of the time since I found out I had it.
When Dr. Devine’s office called me last week to tell me that my glucose test came back high, I honestly thought they must have mixed my results up with someone elses. I have always had low blood sugar…how could mine come back high? But, of course, I went the next day for more testing; thinking it would all come back normal. Well, after four hours of sitting in the hospital and four blood draws, my blood glucose was indeed very high. When the sweet nurse, Karen, called me with the results I was shocked. As soon as I got off the phone with her I called Brian and started crying. There are so many things that could happen to Tatum now. I was so scared.
I saw an endocrinologist on Thursday who made me feel a little better. He said my weight gain is normal and on track and I am otherwise very healthy. Because of those things, he thinks I have a good shot of being able to control the GD with just diet and exercise. If I am able to keep my blood glucose under control, Tatum should be fine. However, I left his office feeling VERY overwhelmed with all that I will have to do to keep an eye on my blood glucose.
Unfortunate things that will happen:I found out that no matter what, since I have GD, they will take Tatum away for at least a couple hours right after delivery to monitor her blood glucose. This is a bummer. I am going to barely get to see her, and then she will be taken away for hours. I know that is going to be hard. Also, she will have to have extra needles poked into her to test her blood. This is also a bummer.
Unfortunate things that are likely to happen:
Tatum may be too big to have a natural delivery or I may even have to be induced several weeks early. I really am hoping not to have a C-section. I also don’t want to be induced. Please pray that these things are not necessary. Tatum may also have low blood sugar when she is born and would have to have a sugar water IV. 
There are also tons of other possible side effects of GD, that should be able to be avoided if I keep my glucose levels normal. I am really trying not to think about these other things.
Lots of people have been telling me that GD is “no big deal” or “nothing to worry about”, but I just cant buy into that. I know those people are just trying to comfort me, but it is annoying me a little. I feel like they are minimizing what I am going through and the fears I have. If it was nothing to worry about, then why would they even bother testing for it? And as far as it being no big deal… ha! I now have to test my blood glucose by finger prick at least six times a day. I have to test my urine for keytones twice a day. I have to keep logs of all those results. And I am on a very restrictive diet. I cant put anything in my mouth without questioning it first, and that is very stressful. And, because I know how harmful me stressing can be to Tatum, I stress out about the fact that I am stressed (yes I realize this is extremely counterproductive, but I cant help it).
Yesterday I ate what I thought would be a healthy, smart dinner and then when I tested my glucose afterwards, it was really high. I just felt so helpless. I was trying so hard to be conscious of what I was eating and pick something good, but my sugar was still so high! So, at lunch today I was standing in the kitchen trying to think of what I should eat for lunch. I felt so overwhelmed by everything that I didn’t even know what I should eat. I have never been good at knowing the ‘categories’ of what I eat. For instance, how many fats, sugars, and proteins something is (which is probably why I have never been on any legitimate diet before). I was so scared that I would eat something that would make my glucose too high that I couldn’t pick something to eat. I know that not eating is bad for Tatum, but I am scared that anything I put I my mouth is going to hurt her too. So I just started balling and Brian had to come help me decide what to eat.
I am praying that this will just be something that I need to get used to, and it will then come more naturally. In the meantime, I am so grateful to have Brian by my side to support me. I am not at all trying to complain about anything, because I know there is worse news to get during a pregnancy. I am just expressing what I have been feeling.
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